God has convicted me of so much sin and I am so happy! I see that during most of my relationship with Erin (the last 14 months or so). I have not been in love with Christ. I have gained knowledge about him, I have worked to do his will, I have worked to make money, I have worked to take care of Erin, but Christ has been in the background.
The most obvious symptom has been that I don't look forward to reading my Bible or spending time praying.....meditation has gone out the window..I just haven't been doing it.
I remembered that when I lived with the Martins my favorite part of many days was walking alone with Jesus in the field (singing to, meditating on and speaking with Jesus).
God has called me back to himself. I want my time alone with him to be my favorite part of every day! That is life to me, to be with Jesus.
I also see how this has hurt Erin and I. We have both suffered as we have tried to find comfort in each other that is only in God. I apologized to her for that. I think we don't have the foundation we should to get married. A relationship should be built on the foundation of preferring Jesus to everything and everyone else, and we haven't built ours on that. I am not sure what to do about that, but I think the way to go is to start loving god above all else and then he will straighten out what we should do.
Ryan
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